27. Savage seeds

The savage seeds of self doubt are scattered throughout  my childhood memories. 
My childhood was happy enough.  Why then do some of my memories trigger self doubt?

I tended to overanalyze scenarios until I convinced myself that it was me at fault whenever things went wrong in the family. 

Belittling  words were hurled at me by my mean- spirited siblings until I could no longer believe in my own self worth.  “You are too goody goody” is what I was often told by my siblings.  “We can’t measure up to your standards. There’s no fun in being good”

I thought that meant I wasn’t good at being bad enough to be interesting. No one could possibly like this insipid personality. I was convinced that I wasn’t good at all. I was boring and dull. Those savage seeds had been implanted into my subconscious.

It took time and courage to stop those seeds from germinating again. I bloomed once more but differently.  

Blooming beauty

This is a response to a Flash Fiction prompt from ‘Putting My Feet In the Dirt’, Writing Prompts hosted by ‘M’.
https://puttingmyfeetinthedirt.com/2020/08/01/august-writing-prompts-3/

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