Day 17. Sorrows of the soul

Life is so endlessly delicious – or is it? Endless is how life should be but endless it is not. This year I have lost three close friends.

Delicious is such an emotive word. It means sweetness but to lose a lifelong friend is not sweet. Bittersweet maybe. Sad to lose a friend but happy to have known them. 

The end of life is not delicious. It’s sad, so sad and final. Here one minute – gone the next. How can such a vibrant life no longer exist in this world?

The breathing is over. The dreaming is  forever. The dreamer did not awaken. We are often told they have ‘slipped away’ or that they have ‘passed away’.

 To where?  Their passage of time has finished. Their time has come. Their life is not endless but was it delicious while they had life? 

So many ways to describe the ending of a life but delicious is certainly not one of these.  Those left behind are heartbroken yet is it not the dead whose heart has stopped?  Broken?

 Sorrow – it is so hard to describe this feeling. It comes in waves catching me unaware, crashing like a rogue wave upon a calm shore. Unearthing hidden feelings expected to never be felt again. 

Like an old rubbish tip exposed by the stormy seas, the shores and beaches are polluted again.  A rescue effort swings into action to prevent further destruction and contamination of the environment but what of the broken-hearted?  What can we do with our exposed sorrowful thoughts and feelings? 

The bad and good memories come flooding back to disturb my present calmness. 

There are the five stages of grief as described by Elizabeth Kubler Ross

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. However, there is a sixth stage, that of Meaning.  And so I seek meaning to understand this pain of their departure. Why them?  Why now? Why not me?

Why has losing my friends been harder for me than losing my parents or my sister? Or even losing a relationship with my remaining siblings? Why was the sting of their rejection not more painful than losing my friends? 

The quality of the relationships might be the answer I seek. Loyal and true is the best way to describe my special friendships. To lose these friends feels so unfair but to whom?  Am I just feeling sad and sorry for myself? Is this just  a necessary part of the life experience?  My next lesson to be learned?

This is is a response to a Flash Fiction prompt from ‘Putting My Feet In the Dirt’, July Writing Prompts hosted by ‘M’

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